2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Here is a the link to the blog, btw.

I've been reading a friend's blog, where he has been posting a series describing significant spiritual moments in his life. In one of his posts, he mentions an IV winter conference about sin that he attended at the Claremont Colleges. I didn't go to the conference, though I was aware of it. My plane ticket to school had me coming back the day after the conference began. Not a good excuse, but anyway, from what I understood from friends, the focus of the conference was on soft sins, such as anger, pride, and regret...there were 10 of them total, I think, plus or minus a few. I wish I had that sheet with all of them and their descriptions. I think that I need to revisit them. Here are 2 of them that I am reposting from my friend's blog:

Anxiety
Lack of peace springing from dwelling on some dark scenario that we think will occur in the future. Loss of hope. Fear that blocks us from obeying. A sense of foreboding & uneasiness about the future.

Despondency or Hopelessness
Believing we are at a dead end with no way out. Lack of interest in prayer, the Word, community or ministry. Slothfulness, depression.

Every sentence I read, I was thinking, that's me, that's me, that's me... particularly the despondency one. I don't think that I have no way out, though I am just sitting and waiting for that time to come. I don't even know why I feel the way that I do, though I suspect that not really caring for the work that I am currently doing in research and at my job has something to do with it. But I'm not really sure. What I know is that I am lost.

Sometimes I feel so sad, it hurts. It physically hurts. I get these sharp needle-like pains that traverse my arm to my finger tips. And I've lost all control over my tear glands. I'll cry over the littlest things. And sometimes, tears stream from my eyes though nothing instigated it. I don't understand. And yet I do.

Whenever I feel scared, I ask God to send His angels to watch over and protect me. And then, I feel safe.

To Everyone:

?AAe?iAO#!
Kung Hee Fat Choy! (Cantonese)
Xin Nian Kuai Le! (Mandarin)
Happy New Year! (English)

I attended a Catholic School, and our whole school would celebrate Mass together on Holy Days of Obligation in the Liturgical Calendar. I remember going to Mass on Ash Wednesday when I was in kindergarten. We went up to get ashes on our foreheads during Mass. Some of my classmates and I wiped it off after we had returned to our pews, and we giggled about it. But when we all sat down after everyone had gotten ashes, I was overcomed with this feeling of sadness. I felt bad, like I had betrayed Jesus and wished that I could undo what I had done because what I did made Jesus sad. This was the first time that I can remember being aware of Jesus.

Here is the actual post from yesterday:

It's a little difficult navigating around here when you don't know how to read Japanese. I guess that is what it is like being illiterate. I can't imagine. Altavista's Babelfish is my friend (http://babelfish.altavista.com/).

I figured since I have an account, I might as well post...

Work went well today, opposed to the previous two weeks when I had such a hard time with one of my coworkers. He was much nicer today. So despite having scary work to do, I felt pretty good when I left for school at noon.

The task I've been given is to conduct a phone survey for a feasibility study, and that entails calling up 100 companies that are the largest users of water on the island fo Oahu to ask if they might be interested in using MBR treated recycled water and ask questions about their water usage if their response is yes. I hate talking with strangers on phones. And it wouldn't be so bad if I knew who to talk to in the company and that contact person's number, but I have to look up their numbers in the phone book and ask around until I get connected to the right person! I didn't realize real engineering work involves so much talking. If I'd have know, I wouldn't have gone into this field. J/k. =) Anyway, despite that, work was good today.

Isn't it amazing how greatly one's attitude affects the people around them? Maybe it isn't amazing, but it is true. And I'm not meaning to single out my coworker. I understand that he was under a lot of stress. I just wanted to point that out in general. It's something that I want to make a point to keep in mind for how I interact with other people.

End of post.

My post on mixi translated to Japanese, translated back to English, using Babelfish. See if you can make sense of it:


That when knowing the method of reading the Japanese in here a little is difficult operation. I who am something like the thing where that is uneducated presume. You cannot imagine me. As for Babelfish of Altavista my friend (http: //babelfish.altavista.com/).

So it meaning that I who am possess description, perhaps me. me it posts.. calculated and work went before I passed that kind of balance time of 1 of my cooperators, being opposed in 2 weeks, today well. As for him greatly more splendid today. So in spite even in having the fearful work where it should do as for me when I go away for the school at noon, you felt rather well.

Work I've being given, is to do the telephone investigation for feasibility study, if as for that response affirmation there is an interest in use of the water which is handled question by MBR and concerning water applications thing was recycled it does, the fact that it calls on the company 100 it is the user where the fo Oahu of the island which you ask whether or not perhaps, water is largest is accompanied. I hate the fact that you speak with others of the telephone. And, that I being connected by the person the right, until it can, if I at the company and inspected the number of telephone directories, asked everyone's me in order to speak to the number of its contact people and had to turn had known, but it is not bad excessively! I did not actualize the fact that the fact that substantial engineering work speaks is included so. When it has the fact that you know I probably will not enter into this field. To also the work is good today when in any case J/k. =), in spite.

Attitude how produces effect on the people very around those, isn't that splendid? Perhaps, that is not splendid, but it is true. And I have not meant the fact that just my cooperator is chosen. I understand the fact that he is under many pressures. I thought that we would like to point to that exactly generally. That in order to stop in heart I operate because how mutually to the people is thing something which you think that I would like to make the point.

Edge of post.

If while at work, you're often daydreaming of being somewhere else, doing something else, is that an indication that you aren't where you ought to be? I keep daydreaming about being in a classroom, teaching a class of high school students. And yet I wonder, if I were in a classroom teaching would I be daydreaming about doing research and design work. I just want to be happy doing what I do day in and day out. But I have found no joy in my work this summer. I know that happiness can only be found by aligning with God's will. Am I therefore not aligned?

God, I long to know Your will for this life You've given me. And I long to know the joy and peace that can only come from following You. Lord, I ask that you quiet my mind and open my eyes to see, my ears to hear, my heart to receive Your will for me. And Lord please grant me strength to follow You all the days of my life. Amen.