The Anteaters lost. UH's season's ended. How sad. I was just thinking, I used to watch a lot of college basketball, but not so anymore. I wonder how it happened that I switched over to volleyball. It must have been from watching Wahine vball. They're fun to watch. Anyway, the men's vball is still returning a very good core, despite the loss of 5 excellent players. I would be looking forward to watching them play next year, though I may not be around for that. ;)

They still have a chance to get an at large berth to the NCAA tournament. Hopefully UCI wins the MPSF tournament. Then their chances will be better. On other news, here is my thesis time table:

Monday, May 29: Submit thesis to committee for review
Friday, June 2: Defense
Friday, June 9: Submit final copy of thesis to committe

If everything is on schedule, I will be done in about 1.5 months from now. So crazy! What happens after that? I'll save that for another entry.

It's so depressing. I can't imagine the emotions the UHM men's vball team are currently experiencing. They had an awesome season, which ended just now, before the NCAA playoffs even began. The game was painful to watch. It was only the MPSF quarterfinals, and they were ousted by 7th ranked UCLA. Hawaii was ranked No. 2, btw. Their 19 game winning streak and amazing season came to end, just like that. Sigh. It's unlikely they will get an NCAA berth, despite their regular season performance. Next year will be a rebuilding season as they lose 5 seniors, 4 of which are starters, to graduation. The one senior, who was not a starter, would have been were it not for an injury early on. I sympathize for them. =(

I failed! I took the road test today for the first time and failed. It was miserable. I feel miserable. I screwed up before even getting out of the police station, and it just went all downhill from there. Sigh. Hopefully, success can be found on the second try.

Only 2 out of the 11 blogs I read have been updated recently (i.e. within the last week). But I can't complain; I haven't updated in a while. But I will now.

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. It is the Catholic tradition to abstain from meat today and to do a pseudo fast, where you eat 2 small meals and only one full meal (and not snacks in between). I didn't eat meat today. I also ate a small breakfast and lunch and a regular dinner. But I ate cookies right before dinner and counted them as a part of my dinner. Then I thought back about it and saw how I was very Pharisee-like in doing that. Technically, I followed the rules, but I wasn't recognizing the spirit of the rule. Those cookies were tempting me the whole drive home from school (ride actually, since my mom drove today....she though with me driving, we wouldn't make it on time for the 5:30 Mass). I managed to not give it until we got home after Mass. And then I ate them right before eating dinner and justified it by saying it was a part of my dinner. But who am I tricking but myself. This Lent, and all the days to follow, I will strive to be less like a Pharisee and more like a disciple of Jesus. I am giving up prcrastination, btw, and also candy. I was going to give up chocolate, which I really like and have been eating a lot of lately, but the cookies I ate had white chocolate chips in them, thus foiling the plan. So it's going to be candy that I give up. I was going to only just focus on not procrastinating, but the one thing that tempts me into it is almost done, so it seemed kind of a jip. So I decided to tag on chocolate candies, but making it candies in general, which will require more will. Anyways, I'm getting sleepy, so sleep to I go.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Here is a the link to the blog, btw.

I've been reading a friend's blog, where he has been posting a series describing significant spiritual moments in his life. In one of his posts, he mentions an IV winter conference about sin that he attended at the Claremont Colleges. I didn't go to the conference, though I was aware of it. My plane ticket to school had me coming back the day after the conference began. Not a good excuse, but anyway, from what I understood from friends, the focus of the conference was on soft sins, such as anger, pride, and regret...there were 10 of them total, I think, plus or minus a few. I wish I had that sheet with all of them and their descriptions. I think that I need to revisit them. Here are 2 of them that I am reposting from my friend's blog:

Anxiety
Lack of peace springing from dwelling on some dark scenario that we think will occur in the future. Loss of hope. Fear that blocks us from obeying. A sense of foreboding & uneasiness about the future.

Despondency or Hopelessness
Believing we are at a dead end with no way out. Lack of interest in prayer, the Word, community or ministry. Slothfulness, depression.

Every sentence I read, I was thinking, that's me, that's me, that's me... particularly the despondency one. I don't think that I have no way out, though I am just sitting and waiting for that time to come. I don't even know why I feel the way that I do, though I suspect that not really caring for the work that I am currently doing in research and at my job has something to do with it. But I'm not really sure. What I know is that I am lost.

Sometimes I feel so sad, it hurts. It physically hurts. I get these sharp needle-like pains that traverse my arm to my finger tips. And I've lost all control over my tear glands. I'll cry over the littlest things. And sometimes, tears stream from my eyes though nothing instigated it. I don't understand. And yet I do.

Whenever I feel scared, I ask God to send His angels to watch over and protect me. And then, I feel safe.